Passionate Trousers
by JustJeanette
Summary: In Answer to the “Passionate Trousers” challenge on WIKTT: Full Title is Passionate Trousers or Severus will always Come for Me. COMPLETE


Before anyone asks I am currently working on the next chapter of Brothers and of Blue Stocking but I got hit with a case of the sillies and this is the result. 

I would like to thank LadyOfThe Masque for she is to blame for the phrasing of one particular spell and no Kathleen is not allowed to borrow it without payment. . .

In Answer to the "Passionate Trousers" challenge on WIKTT

Anti-litigation charm; JK Rowling owns the Harry Potter Universe, to her we bow. Warner Brothers and Various Publishers also have their own rights. We are just playing in their backyard and we promise to clean up when we have finished.

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Passionate Trousers or Severus will always Come for Me.

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"Save me Severus. Save me!" Hermione's breathy voice carried clearly across the dew swept moors as she was forcibly dragged from bower in which she had spent the morning. Her tiny hands pummelled and struck at the red headed barbarian oaf that had taken her up onto horseback and even now fled with her.

Ignoring the delightful pain that affirmed her maidenly shyness he declared, "Worry not my love for I shall save you from the beast of Snape Castle. It is I, and only I, that you must be with!" He continued as his grip tightened about her slender waist.

"Never." Her voice trembled at the very thought, "I could never be with you, for it is Severus I love." She declared as she continued the futile struggle for release.

"Resistance is useless, my dear. Even now my minions, Sir Frederick and Sir George, go to slay that abominable beast that would dare defile your purity."

Turning her head to the left she saw that Sir Ronald, that dastardly fiend, did not lie. His minions were clearly visible as they rode towards Snape Castle; long flowing red locks streaming behind them as they raced onwards astride silver-grey thoroughbreds.

"See, they will take care of any interference and you shall be mine."

"No, no. Never. My Severus always comes for me."

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Severus, his sword held rampant, raced to the window just in time to see his beloved being carried off on horse back by the Dread Weasley. With his eagle sharp eye's he could see her bosoms heaving against the tight fabrics that tried valiantly to contain the lush, soft, curvaceous and altogether delectable mounds beneath: he saw a flash of white as one of her ankles came into view when she attempted to kick at the Red Headed Monster; he saw her delicate hand strike and flay at one of his most hated enemies ,and he felt the bile rising in him as he thought of her helpless self in the clutches of Sir Ronald Weasley, despoiler of know-it-alls.

The sounds of bugles drifted up from park below and turning his head to the right he saw Sir Ronald's paltry minions approach. Allowing his anger free reign he waved his rampant sword about and strode off through the castle preparing to meet the intruders with brutal force.

"Have at thee," he cried as he swung his magnificent weapon, severing the flaming locks from Sir George's head. "1000 points." He yelled as his weapon turned and descended Sir Frederick's rear. "I shall detain you until your grandchildren are withered and grey," he threatened as the minions cowered before his wrath.

Sir George had fallen from his beast and his hands were clutching at the remains of his once gorgeous locks. "You foul beast," he cried when the horror of baldness came upon him, "I shall smite thee with my wand."

Seeing the small, six inch wand that Sir George drew from his robes Sir Severus was stunned and amazed. "You call that a wand?" he asked, disdain veritably dripping from his mouth. "That's not a wand." He said with a sneer.

"This is a wand!" He said as he drew forth 12 inches of glorious ebony, thick, hard and with magic leaking from its tip.

The sight of such an exceptional wand held firmly in the hands of a master wizard was enough to strike terror into the hearts of many a lesser minion; Sir George and Sir Frederick already reeling from the punishments heaped upon them fled rather than face the continued wrath of such an implacable wizard.

"Fear not Hermione I come for you." Sir Severus called heroically as he mounted Draco..., his valiant stead.

Racing across the moors Sir Severus was a sight to behold. His pure white stallion striding out with the grace of a champion long distance thoroughbred; its mane and tail streaming behind him, fanned out gloriously. Sir Severus in counterpoint with his long, silky black locks and his billowing black velvet cloak flung back by the winds as Draco galloped after Sir Ronald and his captive. Severus' hands upon the reigns were that of a master, they coaxed and extolled the beast and the beast answered.

Seeing his prey ahead Sir Severus urged Draco onto greater feats of endurance. The beast answered with a trumpeting call and surged forward again gaining ground on the foul miscreant they chased.

Hermione, tears of frustration streaming down her face, was the first to catch sight of Severus gaining ground behind them. Her tiny hands went to her mouth as she watched his relentless pursuit. "Oh Severus," she sighed, "I knew you would come for me."

Sir Ronald hearing the sounds of a single pursuer damned his minions to Hades. However, never one to be caught without a cunning plan Sir Ronald released his grip on Hermione throwing her to the ground with bone crunching force. 'That will stop him,' he thought to himself as his eyes swept the landscape looking for a perfect ambush point. Remembering the ring of standing stone's they had galloped past earlier Sir Ronald turned his chestnut mare and drove her back towards what he considered an suitable place to deal with his arch-nemesis.

The sight of Hermione being flung to the ground was enough to make Sir Severus' blood boil and he would have turned Draco instantly to follow the fiend of Weasley Hall if it hadn't been the soft whimper that escaped his beloved's lips. "Fear not beloved I am here." He said as Draco came to a halt beside the fallen damsel.

Leaping from the back on his Stallion Severus landed beside Hermione and took up one of her delicate hands, "beloved, where does it hurt?" he asked as he gently kissed the tips of her fingers.

Hermione, fundamentally sore, could only whimper as sparks of electric heat raced from her fingers to her ... heart. "Severus," she breathed softly into his silky locks, 'oh Severus I was so afraid."

"But Hermione there was never any need to fear. You know I will only and always come for you." His voice rumbled against the tips of her fingers.

"Not for me beloved," she whispered as she drew her hands in a protective gesture towards the soft swell of her belly.

Severus, oblivious to the world about him, caught her chin in his long fingered hands. Lifting her dainty chin till her eyes, luminous with delight, met his he asked the question.

"Yes." She answered as she felt his fingers tremble, "I am with child."

"I'll kill him." Severus growled.

"No, No it was not Sir Ronald." She cried misinterpreting his reaction, "the child is your."

"I'll kill him." Severus growled.

"Severus, there is no need. Sir Potter was nothing to me; the child is most definitely yours." Hermione said beginning to panic.

"I'll kill him." Severus growled.

Finally Hermione remembered the key fact pertaining to the male cerebrum, it was only capable of handling but a single thought and until the foul Sir Ronald had been pitched into Hades fires Severus would continue to fixate on one of his most hated enemies. "Then Kill him for me so that our child may live in a better world."

Severus, commanded by his beloved, swung up onto Draco's back, "Fear not beloved I will return."

Watching Severus ride after Sir Ronald Hermione mused as she rubbed her sore rump, 'Isn't that just like a man.'

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Meanwhile, back at the pillar of stones. . .

Sir Ronald, unaware that his life lay in the balance, had taken position behind the tallest stone. Under normal circumstances this would have endured that he was successfully hidden from sight as the enraged Potions Master astride his trusty stead bore down upon the standing stones. Unfortunately for Sir Ronald the tallest of the stones was a mere 3 feet tall and so he was plainly visible to Severus as he charged up the slope.

"Ronald," he said. "I suppose you thought I would not find you."

"On the contrary." His firm hazel green eyes flashed. "Thou art a very determined wizard."

Severus raised his wand. "Yes, I am. And I am determined to rid this fair earth of your foul barbarian presence." Severus continued as he tossed his head ensuring that his magnificent locks flashed in the sun.

"Have at thee." Severus' fist swung forward connecting soundly with Sir Ronald's jaw whilst Sir Ronald was distracted by the ebony flow; taking advantage of the fact that the first blow stunned the Red-Headed thief Severus continued.

"Vile miscreant." Roundhouse to the left side of the head.

"Defiler of Virgins." Short jab to the solar plexus.

"Kisser of boots." Front kick to the unmentionables.

"And all round bad guy." Elbow to the back of the head.

Observing Sir Ronald unconscious at his feet Severus took a moment to pity the young man led astray by his unmentionable before casting 'daisiam fundamentum' upon his foe. "That will teach you to lay a hand upon my Hermione," he said as he rode away all the while enjoying the thought of the Sir Ronald explaining away his current malady.

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"I have returned victorious." Severus said as Draco trotted to Hermione's side. "Come my dear, sit up with me and we will ride off triumphant into the sunset."

And so our hero, his beloved cushioned upon his lap rode off into the setting sun stopping only to pick a bunch of ... roses from a craggy outcrop near the castle.

:) Jeanette


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